Why Repentence Was Good for My Soul

June 6, 2006, 6:15 am

Let me set up today’s entry with these few words so that one might understand what I am presently dealing with. I took our little dog out behind the funeral home at 6:15 am to do her thing, and while she was performing her early morning ritual I was smoking a cigarette as is my usual early morning custom. In the cool of the morning  a very strong desire came upon me to repent of my sins and ask the Lord to forgive me and restore me to my place in the kingdom of God. I didn’t have to think about it for long because as far down in the dumps as I am at the time, I’m smart enough to realize that God wants to help me get through this situation I have been struggling with for some time. Everything in my life at this particular time is wrong. My business is at the point of closing, my phone is ringing off the wall up until 9:00 pm in the evening from people calling wanting the money I owe them. I have quit answering the phone because I am months behind in my bills and so deeply in debt both personally and with the business that it is a continual struggle not to scream. I am in debt through no fault of my own because the  families I have performed funeral services for have not paid me. When they don’t pay or won’t pay, whichever the case may be, I can’t pay my bills. And when a person can’t pay their bills, the harassing phone calls and threatening letters come with increasing frequency.

I have been through some hard times in my life, but nothing that I can remember compares to this. My credit rating is so low its off the chart, I couldn’t borrow a dime if my life depended on it, and I need close to a hundred thousand dollars and that is just for starters. On top of that, no one I know wants to get involved and I can’t blame them. That is the condition the Lord found me in this morning. As quick as I repented and asked the Lord to forgive me, a scripture from Isaiah came to mind. Isaiah 1:18 & 19 “Come now and let us reason together, says the Lord: Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow: though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. (19) If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land.” And almost immediately Isaiah 54:14-17 followed: “In righteousness I shall be established: I shall be far from oppression, for I shall not fear and from terror: for it shall not come near me. Behold, they shall gather together, but not by me: Whosoever shall gather together against me shall fall for my sake. Behold I have created the smith that blows the coals in the fire, and that brings forth an instrument for his work; and I have created the waster to destroy. But no weapon that is formed against me shall prosper: And every tongue that shall rise against me in judgment I shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me,” says the Lord.

These few words of encouragement from the Lord brought such great relief that I can’t describe the feeling that overcame me in the light of the early dawn. I came inside after repenting and opened my bible to the scriptures the Lord had given me and began to read and think. I had all day to immerse myself in His Word because no one is coming into the office anymore. Near the conclusion of my day with the Lord, I prayed and thanked Him for coming to my aid.

My prayer: Dear God, my spirit within me is jumping. Thank you for letting me know you are with me and will not leave me to fight this battle alone. Thank you for helping me to understand that I will win over this matter if I do not abandon you as I did in the past. Just as the father welcomed home his prodigal son and held a feast in his honor. I know that you are that righteous Father. I know that you are gentle and kind to all who seek you. I am thankful that you cared for me and my family during my time of self exaltation to the extent that I would allow you to bless me. How foolish I was to think I could do a better job of meeting life’s demands and defeating the enemy of my soul than you. I know that I am not perfect and have failed you in many ways, and as a result my family has suffered needlessly because of my foolishness. I know that I have failed your many attempts to bless me with the things you had spoken of to me in times past. For that, I sincerely apologize and ask you to forgive me. As I read the history of your people I see they too failed many times and in many ways just as I have. But when they repented of their mistakes and turned over the reigns of their lives to you, you would lead them out of defeat and back into the ranks of the victorious. I thank you that you are not unforgiving of our mistakes. Please, as you have done many times in the past for your people, lead me and my family and this business back onto the right road. Help me to be the man I should be, and the leader in my home. Help me to be the best servant I can be over this business and its affairs you entrusted to me five years ago. This year in August the business lease agreement I signed with my father-in-law will be up. He is not sure he wants to enter into another lease agreement with me for the furtherance of this business. I want the business and the property upon which it is located to come into our possession at the time of the new lease date. This would seem to be impossible at this present time because the business is in financial straits and he knows it. Even with the money that is due in for past services rendered, it will not be enough to meet the debt obligation owed by this business. But I have learned, “Nothing is impossible for you.” Therefore I am asking for your assistance in teaching me how to get the victory over the present debt situation, and how to turn this business around so it will be the light you had hoped it would become when you gave it to me five years ago, and that it will bring the glory and honor to your name as you intended it to do in the beginning. I apologize that I have failed so miserably in this endeavor. It is clearly my fault that it is in the condition it is in today. However, I am aware that is because of your kindness that this business has not been forced to close in the past; and only because of your generosity has it been allowed to remain open. I will not play the part of a fool any longer. I gratefully accept the consequences of my previous foolishness and I ask you to deliver us from the hand of the enemy who is even now at the door, and show me how to gain the victory despite my past failures. I know change is good and forthcoming. Under your leadership the changes that will be implemented in our lives and in this business will be changes that will be productive and prosperous in every way. When I vacated the throne of my heart and turned control of it over to you, the enemy of my soul realized he had been defeated and his goal of destroying this business would not be realized. Therefore, Lord, let us proceed to implement those changes as quickly as possible. In Jesus Name, I pray. Amen

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