Auntie, Uncca Bubba, and the Big Bad Wolf

We had just unloaded the last truck load of furniture into our first home in smalltown when I heard a knock at the front door. It didn’t take me long to realize it wasn’t the Welcome Wagon representative coming to welcome us to smalltown. I immediately recognized the person when I saw sunlight reflecting off of the new gold tooth Doc the Dentist had put in Uncca Bubba’s mouth a while back. And I remember thinking so clearly, “Oh, God, how in the world did Auntie and Uncca Bubba find us so soon. We haven’t even began to unpack the boxes and here they are standing at our front door.”

I know there will be some people who will read this story and would argue they have relatives more notorious than mine. I don’t think so, but if you do, may God have mercy on you. Folks back in smalltown said, “My Auntie was trouble spelled with a capital T, and Uncca Bubba should of spelled his name B-a-d N-e-w-s” because Trouble and Bad News just seemed to follow them wherever they went. I know most of us have learned to handle trouble in whatever form it comes, but is anyone ever really ready for Bad News when it comes knocking?

As I relive this trying episode in my young life and how we finally dealt with Auntie and Uncca Bubba; a story as told by Cooch the Barber comes to mind. He would tell his version of the story of the ‘Three Little Pigs’ this way. All of the three little pigs knew a Big Bad Wolf lived in their neighborhood, but unlike his two unwise little brothers, the smart little pig understood a wolf is a wolf and no matter how he talks, or how he dresses, or what he drives, he will always be a wolf, and sooner or later his actions will prove it. The smart little pig built a brick home because he knew it would take more than wood or hay to keep the wolf out of his house should he ever decide to come calling. And sure enough just as the smart little pig expected, one day the wolf came knocking on his door with evil intentions in his mind, but the smart little pig was prepared. He had a pot of hot boiling water ready for just such an occasion. Cooch would conclude his story with this statement, “We all know how the story ends. The smart little pig cooked the Big Bad Wolf’s goose and rid their neighborhood of a menace.” Cooch would say the moral of the story is this. “If you want to eliminate a foreseeable future problem that could threaten your well being, the time to do something about that potential future problem is now. If you wait until the wolf is at your door threatening to huff and puff and blow your straw house down, you’re probably going to end up like the two unwise little pigs. Lunch for the Big Bad Wolf.” DThrash


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